"Watch out for bears" he says as he walks out of the classroom on Friday at 4:30 after hearing about my plan to hike in Hocking Hills this weekend. "Wait. What?" He just smiles at me as he walks out of the room. Son of a...now I have to Google search "are there bears in Hocking Hills Ohio?" The results come back that yes, there are occasionally bears in Hocking Hills...BUT really you should watch out for venomous snakes and deer ticks. Ticks, as a lot of you know, are the worst thing in the world in my book. Although, I'd rather have a tick than a cute blog story about a bear fight.
So I woke up today and hit the road for an hour drive to Hocking Hills. But first, I hit up Tim Horton's for a doughnut. My first mistake. I pull into the Hocking Hills area right at 9am when my stomach starts to hurt, just a bit. I didn't think much of it at this point. I was more concerned if I was parking in a good area. I decided since there were a few other cars there it had to be just as good as any. I walk up a few steps to cross the above suspension bridge. Very cool looking. And very high with a lot of holes in it to see straight down to the rocks beneath it. I quickly cross to the other side.
I start walking along the trail which is very empty at 9am. It's a beautiful area, with a lot of trees. A lot of trees for bears to hide all up in. I start walking along and my brain starts taking off thinking "Wow, there could totally be bears here. And snakes. And ticks. But also murderers! This would be the perfect scene for a Law and Order episode. Someone could totally push me down that cliff and nobody would ever know. At least when they find me, IF they find me, my ID is in my armband. My cell phone doesn't have a signal, wonder if it will let me make an emergency call. Oh man, here comes 2 men....oh they said good morning, they seem nice. NO! Must not let guard down...that's how people in the movies die. Oh man, my stomach really hurts. What was that noise? Just a squirrel. Are those children I hear? Children are safe. Note to self-thank Kyle on Monday for putting the idea of bears in my head, hence leading me to snakes and ticks, hence my brain now moving on to murderers."
At this point I've made it about a mile into the trail and I try, and fail, to read a trail map. As I attempt to read the map something buzzes around my head, which leads me to say screw it, forget the map and move on. The buzzing continues so I decide now is a good time to run for my life. I hate things that buzz. From one end of the lake to the other I reach another map. I attempt to read it and as I do I am reminded my stomach really, really hurts. This is when I realize that my doughnut as breakfast was a big mistake. Doughnuts typically don't bother my stomach but today was a special day. This, my friends, is when I realize what one true danger of the day would be...not having a bathroom for 2 miles. Now, I'm not one that has ever "pulled over" on a run to make use of mother nature. I did not plan to make today the day that changed. It would have to be dire to make that happen.
This point in the trail will now be known as the crossroads . This is where I looked at the map and realized I could turn back now and have about 1.2 miles back to my car, get in my car and drive like hell to a bathroom. OR I can continue on walking another 1.2 miles to the visitors center which included a bathroom. Since the distance was the same to cover in each direction it made sense to push forward and not have any driving to make. So...I push forward. I go about .2 miles, turn back around and go back to the map just to make sure I looked at it correctly. I did...so I push forward yet again. It's a good thing the trail is pretty empty because I did resort to self-talk out loud telling myself I got this...I could make it. I tried to jog a bit in an effort to get to my destination quicker. Mistake number two. (insert bad pun here) Running and stomach pains/bathroom emergencies do not mix. Not at all. So that lasted all of about 10 seconds. I then apologized, out loud, to my stomach. "I know, I'm sorry, you're angry at me. We got this." Again friends...the only real danger I encountered on this trail today, was myself. I kept seeing signs-Visitors center 1 mile. Visitors center .5 miles. Longest 1.2 miles ever.
Finally....I approach this bridge and thought "This is a cool bridge. I will take a picture. After I find the bathroom." Finally I find the bathroom. As did all the other visitors in the park. Those of you that know my bathroom issues know that I have a shy bladder...so when I finally got in there and someone pushed the hand dryer and it sounded like a plane taking off I thought "thank you guardian angel for making this the noisiest public bathroom ever." Can I just tell you how glad I was that today continued to not be the day I had to make use of mother nature as a toilet? Sorry if this whole story is TMI but it's real life.
Now, I continued on to Old Man's Cave...feeling like a new person. It was such a cool area. When I say it was a hike, it's no joke. There were some serious stairs and inclines in the jaunt down into this cave.
Being as graceful as I am I think I only tripped and almost fell down a few steps about, oh 5 times.
Beautiful water area and bridges
My favorite photo of the day
After exploring around Old Man's Cave I looped back around to the area I came from. I slowly started jogging to see how my stomach felt. I felt good and running felt great. I continued to run back the 2 miles to the car with a few walking breaks in the areas near the serious inclines. At one point I approached a couple I needed to pass. Oddly, the man wore a kilt. I passed on the left and said "good morning" and he replied with the same greeting and I heard the woman say "Oh!" like I startled her by sneaking up on them. I just thought to myself "lady you're lucky I'm startling you like this and not by you coming up on me squatting in the woods like you could've almost seen earlier had that bathroom not appeared." I made it back to my car and decided to drive up the road a bit to another area of the trail. As I started walking to a part of the park called Ash Cave I wondered if it was REALLY a good idea. Water usually doesn't mix well with me if I already haven't been feeling great, and I chugged some water when I got in the car after that run. I walked about half a mile and decided I wouldn't risk it. I'd already gotten pretty lucky to get over 2 miles in before finding the bathroom earlier! I hopped back in the car and made the hour drive back to the hotel.
Before driving straight back to the hotel I decided to pick up some lunch. I stopped at a café nearby that I have been to a few times now called Jordan's. They have the BEST chicken salad and potato salad. The woman there reminds me of Red from Orange is the New Black. Except she isn't in prison. And she doesn't have red hair. So basically she is Russian and a good cook. The chicken salad has celery and golden raisins in it. So good! And best of all...easy on the stomach.
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