How I roll

This is how I roll on New Year's Eve.  I'm not mad about it.  

So my scrapbook room flooring is almost done.  First I had to move all the furniture out.  Given how OCD I am about clutter...this situation above is killing me. 

As is this.  Notice the desk in the living room.  

The before photo.  This carpet was soooo done. Two dogs and a clumsy kid spilling things (ok I am clumsy too) gave this poor carpet a run for its money.  You can see the very clean spot where my chair mat was.  That makes it really obvious how bad the rest is. 

I love the new floor!  It's so hard to tell by one or two samples if you will love the floor for the entire room and I am so glad I love it. The installer said he likes it so much he may go get it for his own home. He comes back Saturday to grout and finish up.  The floor is ceramic tile that looks like hardwood. I am excited to get it put back together and see how it all looks.  Home renovations make me feel like I am nailing this adulting thing. 

Homeownership 101

So turns out...it is a good idea to vacuum and clean under your fridge.  The pic above was about halfway through cleaning...so it was not a pretty sight to begin with.  I had heard my fridge make a weird noise or two and went to Google to then panic that if I didn't do something quick it would stop keeping everything cold.  So they, meaning every article on Google, said you should clean your compressor coils...especially if you have pets.  Well it's been eight years and one very hairy, shedding dog since that has happened so I figured I would give it a go. The videos made it look pretty easy removing that bottom panel.  And maybe it would be if I owned a wrench.  I didn't clean the actual coils but I vacuumed what I could out of there and the floor is white again.  I am pretty sure I hear the motors running fine again but now I am analyzing how loud they were to begin with.  Funny the things we hear and see daily yet never really hear or see the details.  Crossing my fingers I fixed the noise and all is cold in the morning.  

Time to go change my shirt. 

Trashy talk

Sorry if my last post was a downer. I just write what I feel. 

This little gal has been comforting lately. ,

So on another note....I thought I would give you a peek into my trash.  These are popular YouTube videos because you get to see what people like enough to actually use up.  A friend suggested it and I thought it sounded like a great idea!   First, pictured above are two of my favorite candles from Bath and Body Works.  Autumn and Vanilla Snowflake.  I have five more Vanilla Snowflake.  I LOVE them.  

The Cinnamon Sugared Doughnut is another fave!  I will save this jar and de-pot the candle and probably paint the jar with chalk paint to do something fun with it.  

I have been making an effort to actually use up my Scentsy bars.  I had one Ginger Spice Cake from Wal-Mart...not bad.  A Vanilla from Woodwick...also not bad.  From Scentsy I used Black Raspberry Vanilla, Welcome Home, Flirtatious, Silver Bells, and Oats and Honey.  Oats and Honey is definitely a fave.  I like Flirtatious in my bedroom.  Silver Bells had a light peppermint scent but didn't last long.  Welcome Home and Black Raspberry Vanilla were great for the entryway. 

I will never be without the Purex crystals in Lavendar.  Much cheaper than other brands and smell just as good.  Of course I won't be without toothpaste either.  I usually pick this up at the Dollar Store to save a little extra. 

I used up my last Mango Temptation in the body butter which they discontinued.  They still have the body cream.  Used up two of those and ordered nine more on super sale. When I say I love it I am not kidding.  Also, used a small L'Occitane Shea hand cream. Um, love!  Hands were so soft after this.  It's on my repurchase list. 

Supplements I used up some Vitamin B12. I have since repurchased.  Of course Spark which I use almost daily.  A bottle of L-Arginine Extreme that I use in my pre-workout and two bottles of O2 Gold.  Also a holy grail product.  

I have had this Dior Rosy glow balm since late 2012 and am so happy to be done with it!  I will never get it again.  It's overpriced and I didn't like the color.  But I was medicated at the time of purchase so....  Also used up a Nivea Lip Butter.  Obsessed with these!  I used a Sephora lip balm.  It was only five bucks but broke half way thru using.  I refused to throw it out a until gone though. 

Skin care....my holy grail moisturizer is Garnier oil free gel.  Just repurchased.  Tried the ROC deep wrinkle serum, think it was from a Wal-Mart box, didn't notice a difference.  Used the samples of Benefit eye cream which tends to burn my eyes as well as the Bobbie Brown eye cream which I love and purchased full size.  Sunday Riley is a high end brand and I know it takes awhile to see results but my serum sample didn't do anything for me.  I used the Estée Lauder advanced night repair serum....not sure if it did much but I gave it a whirl.  The foil packet of Dr. Brandt Needles No Mores...now that I like!  Felt like I could see immediate results.  I will look to buy a full size in the future for sure! 

Tossing my Real Techniques beauty sponge since I now love my Beauty Blender.  Used a Too Faced Shadow Insurance...use this stuff daily and have already started another.  Finished a Diorshow mascara...love it but have too many other mascaras to use up so won't buy anytime soon.  Finished a Maybelline Color Tattoo in Barely Branded and have purchased another.  This has replaced my MAC paint pot.  And finally my Origins Clay Mask.  Skin felt softer after using but I won't rush out for more. 

The you have it, a dig through my trash without coming out smelling bad!  I love throwing stuff away.  Feels good to use it and toss it! 

Another keepin it real edition-An Honest Look at Grief

Most of you know I had to say goodbye to my big guy Magnus this week.  With my family background being quite jacked up, for lack of a better term....this was really my first experience with dealing with the passing of a family member.  Because that is what pets are.  Family.  

We were truly blessed with 12.5 years with Mags.  He survived being hit by a car when he was 2.  And let's be real...he survived the same number of years with my ex as I did.  I know my ex loved him but also know he wouldn't have handled him well in his elderly years when he needed the care he did.  He barely could take care of him after the car incident and I happily tended to him.  There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for that dog.  A dog his size rarely makes it past ten.  So I know we were truly blessed with so much time with such a great dog.  

I was happy I had given him this early Christmas gift.  He always has loved new pillows.  It was his final resting place and it will remain in my bedroom for an unknown amount of time....likely years.  It will comfort me having a piece of him in my room as normal. 

This is his favorite chair to lay in.  Although I told the kid she could have this furniture when she moves out we both agree that his favorite chair stays.  We may move it to the loft upstairs but we won't get rid of it.  It holds a special place in my heart.  I will never forget it....we used to not allow Mags on the furniture.  Then one night Jason (the ex) left to go on a trip and he hadn't even pulled out of the driveway yet before Mags had climbed in that chair.  I looked at him and laughed and said "ok then, guess that's that."  It's been his ever since.  

Everyone that met the big guy loved him.  He truly had one of the sweetest personalities ever.  When he was hit by the car the vet who took care of him was just amazed at him because he would just lay there and let you do what needed to be done.  He was laid back and if he was in pain he rarely showed it.  He never made a sound after getting hit and had a compound fracture.  Not only the sweetest dog, but the strongest and bravest.  Ok, well he did hide in bathtubs if I raised my voice too loud.  

I knew this day was coming but nothing really prepares you.  I thought I was prepared.  But all this has shown me no matter how much you know a blow is coming, it still hurts in ways you can't predict.  I have tried to be strong for not only the kid but for Jazzie and in doing so realized sometimes being a strong and independent person makes me feel so very weak and alone. This has been one of the most lonely times for me.  I hate this time of year as is but this, it has just felt extra lonely.  I have talked to my mom for hours on the phone and it helps but it truly feels like a broken heart.  By the way I am not saying any of this to be "poor me, feel sorry for me" so please don't think that.  Typing some of my thoughts is therapeutic and I want to look at any positive take away from this experience.  Yes, it sucks. But I am not sharing in an effort for getting sympathy....most who will read this have already offered up sympathy and support. 

 I have been so very grateful for the support of those who have reached out and let me know they understand and offered up being there if needed. Funny enough a woman I have only known and worked with for the past few months, thousands of miles away made me feel incredibly supported.  Her and I have really clicked over how much we have in common and I wish we lived closer and could be friends since our situations are similar.  Of course many friends have wanted to band aid my heart and I appreciate them being there just when I need to say "man this really sucks." I know things will get better.  I hope because I am tired of crying!   Honestly to those who have offered such kind words and being there if I need anything...please know that means the world to me.  

 It's funny the things I think about...like I don't want to vacuum the floor because his hair won't be there to vacuum up next time. Little things like that which always drove me nuts don't even matter anymore.  I would rather have more days with him and a hairy floor than not.  I know it was time and the vet helped me know I was making the right decision.  But the guilt sets in for when I would get mad or wonder if I gave him enough attention.  Grief really makes you go through a whole range of emotions.  I still have Jasmine of course and I want to make sure life is as good for her as possible.  She's been enjoying daily outings.  She didn't get those much before because we always felt terrible that he couldn't go along and it felt unfair to leave him behind knowing he'd love to go a walk if he could.  So I am making sure she gets her beloved walks and runs daily now.  I know it wasn't fair to her that she missed out on those before too.

  I just wasn't prepared for how strange and different it feels.  Getting up in the middle of the night and worrying about stepping on his foot then remembering he isn't there.  I hear the kid crying in the middle of the night and my heart aches even more.  She grew up with him.  He took commands better from her than me.  He adored her and vice versa.  

So I guess what grief has really shown me...no matter how much you know something is coming and try to brace yourself....you don't really know what will happen or how you'll feel until it happens.  It's obviously harder for me now than him.  He is resting peacefully.  Selfishly, I don't want to feel everything that goes along with this process.  But I know I have to.  I have tried to numb the pain.  Last night we looked back at his pics and laughed about how much he loved ice cream cones, playing in the snow, and the time he thought he caught a squirrel and was so proud.  That stuffed squirrel is going in his memory box which I am looking forward to putting together.  But as we did this I had a few drinks, which I very, very rarely drink anymore.  It helped temporarily until I woke up in the middle of the night.  The pain was still there.  I know I have to feel the pain that goes with this process.  

I know this is a long ramble and people who aren't pet people may not get it.  The take away for me...you have to roll with whatever life throws your way.  I have learned not just through this but multiple experiences, I can't control everything.  And it's OK to not always be strong.  I am grateful that wanting to make life good for Jasmine will equate to me getting exercise.  I could easily hide out with Netflix for weeks but I do need to be strong in that respect for her.  Which in turn, she will be helping me without even knowing.  Dogs are the most selfless creatures.  A trait very rarely seen in humans.  I think that is part of what makes it so difficult saying goodbye to a pet.  Nobody has ever loved me like he did.  I hope he knows how loved he was in return.  

And that...is a real, honest, look at my grief right now. Possibly over sharing but hopefully a good reminder to not sweat the small stuff (like a little hair on the floor), and make sure your pets and loved ones know how much they mean to you. Like that saying goes....your pets are only part of your world...but to them...you are their world.  

Oh the small stuff....it truly is trivial.  A spilled soda...a muddy paw print...none of it matters when you have true love in your life.  And for me....my pets are the definition of true love.  

As a friend pointed out...I am so much more upset over this than getting divorced.  She is right.  Didn't shed a tear the day of my divorce.  Says a lot about that relationship.  My next relationship I want to be as close to the definition of true love as possible.  Nothing will ever compare to the love of a pet...but lord willing I won't have to deal with another loss like this for many, many years.  By then I hope to have someone by my side who will know I am a strong, strong person but sometimes I need someone to be strong for me.  

I know I will grieve for a long time.  I know he's resting peacefully and not in pain.  Just a little insight into my first true experience with grief. 

Wal-Mart Beauty Box

The beauty box from Wal-Mart is only 5 bucks and sent four times a year.  It started out fairly strong...but I think this is my last one. 

It is always fun to open it up and see what you got. 

But....this month was mostly just a bunch of coupons.  Womp womp.  

There was this little coconut body butter that smells pretty nice. 

And a travel can of hairspray

As well as a small shave cream.  

And a sample pack of Vitamints to try. 

Then a color wheel for hair color?  I am not the target audience for that one.  I trust only one man with my hair color and his name isn't Clairol. 

Oh and the Rogaine for her coupon....don't think I am a target audience for that one either.  The boxes started out with five to six actual products to try and now down to three and a half....I don't count the Vitamints as a full product. So I think this was the last chance box for me and time to cancel this one!  It's fun to be surprised but I wouldn't hand someone over five bucks for the products in this box.  Maybe I will try a different one next to review. I have given Wal-Mart a full year and it kept going downhill.  Bye Felicia. 

On the 12th day of December my 12th race of the year

Today was the Jingle Bell Run 5k.  Talk about a difference from last year!  First off it was pushing 70 degrees today...last year was cold!  Last year I didn't have these awesome leggings.  Last year the course didn't make me curse whoever came up with it.  This year the course was changed to rolling hill after hill. Last year I didn't have to say the cliche sayings in my head to keep going like "the pain you feel now will be worth it" or "can't stop, won't stop."  Or tell myself to get my ass in gear.  Last year my calf didn't cramp badly in the first five minutes and never loosen up. 

Last year we didn't get finisher's medals. 

Last year my time was over 35 minutes.  Considering the hills I am pleased with this finish.  Almost a minute slower than my Thanksgiving day run but I felt like I was crawling so to come in under thirty was awesome.

Last year the swag wasn't as good.  This was my 12th race of the year and my goal was 12.  Goal reached.  Feeling good.  Feeling exhausted.  Feeling ready to break records in 2016.  

Keepin it real

This morning I ran to Wal-Mart ONLY because I needed toilet paper.  Happened to pick up a new pillow for the big guy while there.  He loves his orthopedic pillow but that stays in my room and he still was using a completely flat one in the living room.  So I hooked him up with an early Christmas gift.  He seems to like it.  

So keepin it real...my Dr. put me on a new medication to help with some anxiety issues.  We all have our issues right?  Having lived with my ex should explain my anxiety background at least a little.  So she wants to "try out a new med" to see how I like it.  Let me tell you, it mellows me out alright....because I essentially sleep through any anxiety!  Last night I put on my gym clothes, drank a preworkout, and promptly crawled into bed at 5:30.  I had to fight to stay awake during conference calls and today forced myself to get on the treadmill.  So yeah, this helps with anxiety.  But now I have narcolepsy.  Not gonna work for me doc.  Ain't nobody got time for that. 

Before I started losing all energy I tried out the Uplift for Her in Guava Passion.  Really liked it! No jitters or tingles and plenty of energy for a great workout.  I would get this again. 

I would write more...but my energy is zapped.  I may try the pills before bed vs. the morning but half afraid I would just sleep through my alarm.  I will admit though....it is some darn good sleep. Just too much of it.  Thankful for my mom tonight because she is picking the kid up at 11pm for me.  I will probably be asleep by 8.  So mom is definitely on Santa's nice list!  

My Gymgerbread House

I have never attempted a gingerbread house before.  Then I saw someone on YouTube make a gym instead of a house and decided it was happening.  I went to the Dollar Store and Wal-Mart to get the supplies.  Ironically enough I had left the house headed to the gym...then got this idea in my head and skipped the gym to instead make one out of candy.  The kid was in shock..."Let me get this straight, you DIDN'T go to the gym and now you want to do this mom-like project?"  Yep...not usually my thing.  But it was fun.  It was also a lot harder than it looks. 

So I used some pretzels and marshmallows to make some dumbbells.  Some graham crackers for the dumbbell rack.  Lifesavers and pretzels for barbells. And the treadmill out of all that plus some Hershey bars.  

Since I can't open my own gym right now, this will have to do.  I had fun making it and the kid had fun sharing my project with friends.  I walked into my gym Saturday morning and spotted one of her friends who goes to the gym with her dad and I hear them laughing and say "Look there she is!"  They had just been looking at pics of the Ginger Gym and pretty sure her friend was making her dad leave the gym to head to Wal-Mart for supplies after they were done!