Nerve Study

Recently I've had a lot of problems with my right wrist and both index fingers on the left and right hand.  So, after a year of noticing some discomfort, I decided the day I was having trouble holding a pen at work was the day to make a Dr. appt.  My Dr. figured my finger issue was due to neck pain which I constantly deal with...possibly a pinched nerve.  My wrist was possibly a fracture or carpal tunnel.  We started with an X-Ray.  No fracture, no abnormal growth.  All seemed fine.  So next up...the nerve study.  This will tell me if I have Carpal Tunnel or a nerve from my neck or elsewhere causing problems.  I thought this sounded like a great idea as this has to be the issue.

I Googled Nerve Studies and found two possibilities.  One, they hook up electrodes to your skin and send shocks to your nerves.  Or two, they insert needles into your muscle and shock your muscle.  I was hoping for the former option and not the second.  Lucky me, I got to experience both options.  So let me tell you about my experience today.  My co-workers told me it would be like sticking a 9 volt battery to my tongue.  Something by the way, I have never done.  I guess it is a popular thing to do by boys who like that sort of weird stuff.

Anyways, I arrive at the very fancy Neurology office and get signed in.  I notice a guy behind me approach the sign in desk and say "What's up?" in an all smooth way like he's at a bar trying to pick up a chick.  I glance over and decide he is a pharmaceutical sales rep.  One who relies on his looks and charm, at least to get him in the door.

My name is called and I go back and the nurse tells me I will need to remove my shirt and put on the gown.  I ask "so....is this a needle test?"  She replies "Yes, it is."  I made a crinkly, pouty face and she said "You will be fine."  I proceed to put on the gown and have a brief moment of panic that I tied it too tight in the back and won't be able to get it off.  But then I figured if nothing else I will Houdini the hell out of that thing to get out of it.  Then...I sit on the table.  This is at 2:45.

At 3 I hear from somewhere outside my door in the hallway "Hey guys, how's it going!?" from what I assume to be the mouth of the pharmaceutical guy I had seen earlier.  I instantly dislike him more.  Now he is going to hold up my appt.  Then I hear "well I'll be honest..." as he goes into his spiel.  I hear a  dr. say "nerve study" and figured that meant my dr. was wrapped up talking to Big Pharma and I proceeded to get restless leg syndrome so bad at one point I thought I broke the table.  Big Pharma guy laughs obnoxiously at something someone says and I said out loud "we could never date I hate your laugh."

Finally at 3:15, after 30 minutes of imagining my fate, in walks a Dr.,  fairly cute one, so I forgave him for being late.  He sits down and asks me the problems I am having.  Then the rest of the conversation went like this:

Small talk-where you from, what sports teams do you like (couldn't care less) etc.  Super nervous so I will ramble about anything and probably already sound like an idiot.
Dr.  "So, did you Google this procedure?"  (said with a face that gave a look of dear lord please don't say you did)
Me:  "Yes"
Dr.  "ok so you know."
Me:  "Why, is it that bad?"
Dr.  "Well it is kind of like putting a 9 volt battery to your tongue.  At least the first part.  The second part is needles."
Me:  "Can we skip the second part?"
Dr.  "I'll be honest, men usually have a hard time with this test.  Women usually are better at toughing it out."
Me:  "Google didn't make it sound THAT bad."  He just made it sound like I was about to get tased repeatedly.
He explains more in depth and we get into the procedure.  I lay down on a table and he marks all over my arm.
Dr.  "Ok, let's get started.  You'll feel a little tap. Please don't punch me in the face ok?"
Me: "If I am tempted I'll warn you." first few taps..."That wasn't so bad."
Followed by more tapping
Me:  "Ok so they are getting more intense."
Me:  "OK DR so that one hurt like a mother."
Dr.  "Yes, I have to keep turning it up."
Me:  "Ok, awesome news.  This is kind of like the knee reflex test except you are starting to really wham my knee to check my reflex but in this case it's my arm."
He finishes all the shocking of my right arm.  So far he says it all looks normal.
Me:  "Well since my right arm hurts more than the left, and the right is normal, we can probably skip the left."
Dr.  long pause...."Are you being serious?"
Me:  "Well I wasn't but if it's an option...."
Dr.  "We should probably do both arms while you are here."
Me.  "Fine."
Dr.  "I'm guessing you don't have any tattoos"
Me:  "Um no I have one.  But I hate it and wouldn't willingly get another."
Dr.  "Well after I started the needle procedure on a guy full of tattoos he said he didn't care what is wrong with him, he was done and walked out of the room."
Me:  "Bad sign."

Then moves on to the left arm.  My comments cease and then I just go with "mmhmm" and "yep, felt it."

Dr.  "Ok time for needles."
Me:  "Ok so you are just going to poke the surface and it won't really hurt much right?"
Dr.  Silence.  Crickets.
Me:  "Ok so since you are ignoring  me that is a VERY BAD SIGN."
Dr.  "I have to put needles in 10 muscles, 5 in each arm.  Then when I do I have to move them around in the muscle.  It isn't acupuncture.  It isn't going to make you feel relief.  I inflict pain.  You've been warned.'
This is the moment I knew my day had taken a turn for the worse.
Me:  Silently in my head "What the actual eff am I doing here??"  Out loud "Alrighty well there is that then."
Dr.  "First tricep here we go."
Me:  "Not unbearable but not the funnest thing I've ever done."
Then he moves to forearm and finally down to that area between your index finger and thumb and prefaces it by saying "Just remember, Dr. Silney sent you here so SHE is the mean one."  Great, another warning.  Sticks needle in...
Me:  "MMMHMMM YEP THERE IT IS"
Dr.  "This is the worst one."
Me "Obviously."
Dr.  "Ok one arm done, one more to go."
Great....now I know just how bad the other arm will hurt.  This is why Claire's pierces kids ears at the same time.

Finally all done, all is normal.  I stand up to see my blood on the white sheet.  No big surprise there given 10  needles got a in-depth tour of my muscles.  No offense Dr. but hope I never see you again.  To be fair, he made me laugh a lot.  When my stomach grumbled he asked if I brought snacks for us.  And when I said my upper arm was my least favorite shock he said "Really?  That one is my absolute favorite."  So honestly not sure I could have had a more personable dr.  He did help me relax and at leasts he was honest.  When it sucked he told me "Hey this is going to suck."  But when it was all done he said I was brave and tougher than most men he sees.  Cue up my pride face.  But never will I ever put a 9 volt battery to my tongue for fun.  That appt. was not my most fun thing ever.  So glad that is over!