Physical and mental strength

I signed up for this “seemed like a good idea at the time” journey to the stage in August.  I needed something new to focus on.  It started out with bulking to gain muscle and I thought that was hard.  Friends will tell you I was grouchy (truth) and depressed (truth) because bulking was awful for me.  I loved gaining muscle but feeling stuffed and cutting cardio was hard.  I counted down the days until I could eat less food.

Fast forward to January and I finally started cutting back on food slowly.  Now there became a new pressure of having a deadline to reach a low body fat.  My body doesn’t want to get to a low body fat naturally past a certain point...at least that is what it seems to be telling me at the moment.  So my current mental battle is facing losing body fat while maintaining muscle and dealing with cravings.  I would rather be hungry than stuffed so I still prefer this phase to bulking.  But I have never had a looming deadline of having to fit into a tiny swimsuit in five weeks.  And it is tiny.

I have also realized how much I use food as an escape.  If I am having a bad day I look forward to pizza and Netflix.  Chicken and veggies and Netflix isn’t real exciting.  So while I wasn’t binging on food before I was still using it to provide something that is missing.  I have read that sugar hits the same pleasure center in the brain that cocaine does.  So maybe it is a rush of good feelings that I am missing, even if they are temporary.  So I was depressed bulking and still fighting depression now.  Not to be "poor me" by any means but sharing the mental challenges this journey has brought with it.

Along the way there are some really good life lessons though.  Motivation, discipline, self-control, and not relying on others for approval to name a few.   Celebrate the small victories and don't let small set backs consume you.  Push yourself even when nobody else is there to watch.  Remember why you started and don't give up on yourself.  And never compare yourself to others.  Your journey isn't the same as theirs.  Prove to yourself you are stronger than you ever knew.  Physically and mentally.