Physical and mental strength

I signed up for this “seemed like a good idea at the time” journey to the stage in August.  I needed something new to focus on.  It started out with bulking to gain muscle and I thought that was hard.  Friends will tell you I was grouchy (truth) and depressed (truth) because bulking was awful for me.  I loved gaining muscle but feeling stuffed and cutting cardio was hard.  I counted down the days until I could eat less food.

Fast forward to January and I finally started cutting back on food slowly.  Now there became a new pressure of having a deadline to reach a low body fat.  My body doesn’t want to get to a low body fat naturally past a certain point...at least that is what it seems to be telling me at the moment.  So my current mental battle is facing losing body fat while maintaining muscle and dealing with cravings.  I would rather be hungry than stuffed so I still prefer this phase to bulking.  But I have never had a looming deadline of having to fit into a tiny swimsuit in five weeks.  And it is tiny.

I have also realized how much I use food as an escape.  If I am having a bad day I look forward to pizza and Netflix.  Chicken and veggies and Netflix isn’t real exciting.  So while I wasn’t binging on food before I was still using it to provide something that is missing.  I have read that sugar hits the same pleasure center in the brain that cocaine does.  So maybe it is a rush of good feelings that I am missing, even if they are temporary.  So I was depressed bulking and still fighting depression now.  Not to be "poor me" by any means but sharing the mental challenges this journey has brought with it.

Along the way there are some really good life lessons though.  Motivation, discipline, self-control, and not relying on others for approval to name a few.   Celebrate the small victories and don't let small set backs consume you.  Push yourself even when nobody else is there to watch.  Remember why you started and don't give up on yourself.  And never compare yourself to others.  Your journey isn't the same as theirs.  Prove to yourself you are stronger than you ever knew.  Physically and mentally.

Current empties and updates

This past week I was hit with a bad bug, maybe the flu?  I don't know but it knocked me on my butt.  I am finally on the mend.  Food doesn't repulse me and I have some energy again.  Looking forward to getting back to my routine again this week.  I've gone from bulking mode to cutting and have significantly decreased my calories which is awesome.  Bulking was really tough for me mentally.  More on that below.   

I have finished up a lot of supplements lately.  I still start every morning with my Spark from Advocare.  Mandarin Orange has been the flavor I've favored lately.  I finished up another Nerium Youth Factor supplement.  My favorite O2 Gold from Advocare which I just re-ordered.  I've started taking Cinnamon which is a metabolism support.  Nature's Fuel from Nutrishop which is a superfood/greens mix.  It doesn't taste the best but it is better than eating vegetables all day!  Advocare Omegaplex for Omega's and finally Stance ATP and ANX3 for my pre-gym supplements.  Supplements aren't necessary they just supplement a good diet an exercise program.  

Beauty/misc. I finished up 2 Suave dry shampoos.  For three bucks I feel like you just can't beat this dry shampoo.  I finally finished the Peter Thomas Roth pumpkin enzyme mask which I really like using once a week.  From Bath and Body Works I used up a Vanilla Bean Noel lotion.  Love this scent.  I used a Vanilla Snowflake candle which is also my favorite from the winter scents.  I also had a Vanilla Snowflake hand soap.  I finally burned the Happy Birthday Yankee candle from my birthday.  The Nivea lip butter is a must have.  Also a must have is the Maybelline Fit Me concealer.  Another face mask sample I used was the Glam Glo charcoal mask which I really like for breakouts.  I always use the Equate eye cream and have repurchased this bad boy.   I had a small Clinque eye cream which was nice but I just wasn't willing to spend the money on another one right now.  I bought the Body Merry neck cream from Amazon and didn't notice any crazy differences from using it so I probably won't buy this neck cream again.  Then I'm just throwing away a Maybelline Color Tattoo eye cream that has dried out too much to use.

In the past I used to post the price of these items but I currently am just too focused elsewhere to concentrate enough to.  The NPC Midwest fitness competition I'm training for is eight weeks away and it is consuming my thoughts.  For those that don't know, I started this fitness competition journey in August and started off by lean bulking which is an attempt to build muscle with minimal body fat gain.  I put on a good 12-15 pounds depending on the day.  Now I'm cutting weight and I need to shed about 16 pounds in the next eight weeks.  It is a bit overwhelming to have the deadline approaching, a swimsuit that I currently look ridiculous in, and a posing routine to learn on top of it all.  My calories went from 2,700 when bulking (which was pure misery) and slowly dropped back down.  This week I am down another 300 calories which I do fine with other than less energy for the gym.  I would much rather eat way less food than stuff myself like I had to do last year.  Bulking works because you have to be in a caloric surplus to build muscle but it really was a challenge for me.  While I liked building muscle, and didn't mind eating my way through the holidays, purposely eating more than I wanted to was not a mindset I was used to.  Now my challenge is to stay focused on working to shed fat without losing the muscle I put on.  It's amazing how aware I have become of days and time because of this process.  March 31st is only 54 days away!

Goodbye 2017

Here we are at the end of 2017 already!  I hope everyone has had a good Christmas and a safe and happy New Year.  

I've been staying busy with work, working out, and hanging out with my dog and the visiting grand-pup Carrie. 

She is a lot of fun and gets along really well with Jazzie.  She has taken up wearing sweaters now that it is freezing outside.  She makes herself right at home at my house. 

I am happy to be on a team that believes in office pranks.  Our boss discovered what happens when he decides to take a week off! 

I am still giving some thought to my 2018 goals.  I usually have them all lined up by now.  2017 ended up being a good year with a new job, new flooring, a half-marathon PR, and new workout goals started and continuing. 

In 2018 I am looking forward to a fun vacation and remodeling my bathroom shower, as well as stepping outside of my comfort zone with fitness goals and have fun while doing it.  I want to relax more, not get worked up about the little things and be more mindful and in the moment (I think this is a constant goal). 

"Doing anything with intent and purpose will always come out better than going through the motions."  - Marie Purvis

Bring on 2018! 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I have a lot of pictures to post, however, I am now a converted iPhone user.  As such, I have no idea how to get my pictures on the blog.  There is something about adding a Google Plus app in order to add the pictures.  I don't know but a lot of you won't be surprised to know this is a struggle for me.

So basically to sum up what I've been up to: 

-Today I ran the Turkey Trax 5k.  It was cold.  It was fun.  It is always a good time.

-Just got back from a fun trip to Nashville with Lisa and friends.  Good times were had by all.  Some will be remembered, some maybe not so much. 

-Considering a bathroom remodel. 

-Other than that, work, gym, eat, work, gym, eat. 

-Once I figure out my iPhone I will post pics I promise!  Sorry for the quiet blog time lately!

How running helps me overcome self doubt

I have been really struggling with self doubt lately.  Badly.  I took on a new goal and things that I've thought daily include:  "What the hell was I thinking?"  "Why did I think I could do this?"  "Why am I doing this to myself?"  "What if this doesn't work?"  "I'm going to have to buy new pants!"  

This has gone on for weeks.  I've put in the daily work towards my goal but all the while my head has been contradicting my actions.  This weekend it hit me that I had these exact same thoughts when I started running.  "Why would I think it is a good idea to sign up for a 5k?"  "How on earth can I run 3.1 miles if I can't even run 1 mile?"  "Who thinks running is fun, it isn't fun!?"  "What if I'm not good enough?"  

Since my first 5k I've finished dozens of other 5ks and 4 half marathons.  I didn't go out there to win the race.  I just went out there to prove to myself I could do it.  Ever since then I've been competing with myself to get better.  And I've had thoughts about whether or not I could improve on my times but never have I doubted if I could finish a race.  Self doubt doesn't plague me like it did before that first 5k.  Not to mention, running became fun!  

So after this brilliant insight hit me this weekend I realized this new goal of mine is just like signing up for my first 5k.  I was/am scared of what it takes to get there and it is overwhelming, however,  I know I can achieve my goals so why let self doubt waste my time.  

I'm re-reading the book Relentless by Tim Grover.  He has so many motivating gems in it that I grabbed a notebook and started making notes so I can refer to it when doubt starts to creep in.  A few of my favorite things Tim points out:

-Patience is the hardest part of any goal.

-If we're talking about being elite, if you want to be unstoppable, you have to learn to put aside everything you've been taught, all the restrictions and limitations, the negativity and doubt.  You have to stop thinking.  

-There's a certain fulfillment that comes from testing your own limits instead of stopping where others claim you are capable of reaching.

-Never let others standards define your own.  

-You have to play the last game of the season with the same intensity as you played the first.  

I think I have mentioned this book before but if you like no BS motivation this book is full of it (no pun intended?).  I  have this book so highlighted and underlined it is like a textbook.

So overall what I learned-I let myself feel the doubts, think about them and then realized I have had doubts like these before and running showed me I can conquer them and do hard things.  One of my running mantras is actually "I can do hard things."  When I start to face doubts during an actual run it reminds me I've done harder things than what I'm doing in that moment.  Whether in life or running up a hill so long and steep I'm cursing my decision to sign up for that run and questioning again who runs for fun, the doubts go out as fast as they come in.  So new goal, same doubts, and I know it'll be the same outcome.  I can do hard things.

Mo Cowbell Half Marathon and some new food favorites

The Mo Cowbell Half Marathon was this past weekend and it was a blast.  My time was 2:09 which was a personal record...only by 2 minutes but a new PR is always fun.  The course was awesome with the views and a lot of supporters outside with signs or ringing their cowbells.  The race was fun as well as staying at the casino for the weekend and just enjoying time with friends.

The race had a great expo and fun post-race goodies.  I would definitely do this one again.

I have several new recent food favorites.  This Source cookie dough protein bar is the best protein bar I've ever had.  It's pretty much the only one I'll eat now.

This Bang energy drink in cotton candy is like a treat.  It tastes just like cotton candy.  I've tried several of the flavors and so far this is definitely my favorite.  It has caffeine, BCAAs, and creatine so lots of good stuff.

I've also found the best protein powder I've ever tried.  It's peanut butter banana flavored and with a frozen banana it is basically a banana milkshake.  Plus it's low in sugar and carbs and still tastes awesome.

This peanut butter.  Just buy it.  It's ah-mazing.

Spicy brown mustard has been my favorite thing ever lately.  I put it on everything I can.

I found these waffles at Hy-Vee and they caught my attention with the 10 grams of protein.  Loved them.

And lastly...sweet potatoes.  I typically eat one a day.  I think I'm addicted.

I feel like I haven't blogged in awhile.  I've pretty much been at the gym, catching up with friends, and trying to get some sleep.  I'm trying to add muscle right now and little did I know how much time that takes...both in the gym and prepping food.  It's working but it has been a challenge for sure.

I'm excited for an upcoming trip to Bloomington and the ISU Town and Gown 5k next!

The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances

Glenda passed along a book she just finished reading.  It is a quick read, about 20 mins.  It is mostly a bunch of illustrations and written almost in a comic book form.  The end of the book has a section called "A lazy cartoonist's guide to becoming a runner."  I thought I'd share the guide's tips to becoming a runner.

1.  Shut up and run.
     -You'll never run out of reasons to take it easy.  Just put on your shoes and get outside.  A 20 minute workout is 1.3% of the 1,444 minutes in a day.

2.  Don't try to change a bunch of habits at once.
     -Change one habit at a time otherwise you're just setting yourself up for failure.

3.  Remember, running sucks in the beginning.
     -If you've never run farther than a mile, understandably  you likely hate running.  Running sucks in the beginning.  But it doesn't stay that way.  It's a front-loaded chore.  Starting out your body fights you, you just have to keep going.  Win the argument against your body.  After that, you're free.

4.  Run outside.
     -If you want to hate running, use a treadmill.  Minimize boredom by running outside.

5.  Sign up for an event.
     -We often train alone-our only companion a bottomless well of sweat, pain, and introspection.   But on race day all that changes.  It is a collective release of hours of solitary tedium taking the form of a massive crowd of strangers.

6.  Don't think ahead.
     -Be present.  Running will hurt.  You do have to get used to it.  The pain diminishes but there's always a certain degree of suffering.  Own this and try not to live in the future.  Possess your circumstances whether they're terrible, wonderful, or somewhere in between.

7.  Become a drug addict.
     -Choose to be a different kind of drug addict.  Choose to be a runner.  Running is an addiction, both chemically and spiritually.  There are euphoric highs, terrible lows, and the constant desire to squeeze in a "quick run" in order to feel whole.  "It's like being able to smoke crack every day, but instead of getting strung out and arrested you get bananas and compliments."

8.  Hurt yourself today.
     -Life...sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen and I'm not in control.  But when I run, I control the hurt.  It's a form of hurt I can possess.  Runners aren't impervious to pain, we're just better at choosing what kind of pain we have to feel.  And when I run, that's exactly what I'm doing.  I'm asserting control over the uncontrollable.

Overall, a fun and quick read.  I wouldn't necessarily buy the book but it is a good one to check out from the library or borrow.